10 Easy Steps to Big Money

10 Easy Steps - a result of boredom, the list that is, but at least it was made with love and thoughtful consideration:

1. Be born with a silver spoon in your mouth.
For me this is too late, as I am already born. Even though we weren't rich, we did have silver spoons around the house at the time, 24.5 years ago. But, I don’t think any of the older members of my family remembered to take one of the spoons with them to the hospital. Had they remembered, they could’ve stuck it in my mouth just as I was popping out. But no. No silver spoons were present at my birth.

2. Be a Wunderkind.
This is also, sadly enough, too late for me. I might have been a Wunderkind, but it’s too late to go back and convince people of this now. I could however find myself, my true calling, and go back and convince people that I always had an exceptional talent for…well… let’s say… playing the organ. Or something like that. Piano, perhaps. Or the violin.

3. Commit the perfect scam.
Well suited for criminals in the making. When I was a kid we once attempted to host Casino Night behind a ware house. Casino Night lasted for about five minutes – this was the approximate time it took for the police to show up. Like all children facing jail-time, we ran. And, I decided that I would never attempt being a criminal. To much fuzz for me, with the running away and the trouble at home and all. However, it is an easy way of making a quick buck or two – scamming people. Not good for you, your family, your reputation or your future, of course, but possible.

4. Invent something irresistible.
Sometimes I wonder if our superold, i.e. around 1649 A.D., ancestors also believed that everything was already thought of, like we sometimes do. The super old ancestors might have said something along the lines of; “Oooooo, we can’t possibly invent anything else, I just don’t see what we might need, the future is here etc.”. With their fancy booklearnin’, arts and craft, wheels, horsepower etc – who could blame them. They must have felt invincible - just like we do. I’m sure that in 2449 AD our spawns will mock us in the same way. How sad, really. We should punish them ahead of their time by inventing all things inventible.

5. Marry rich.
Yeah, that’s right – marry someone who’s got it all together, and no pre-nuptial! Of course, the idea that you’re spouse is going to be a) young, b) hot, c) straight, or d) an amazing and romantic kisser (unless you like it sloppy and toothless. I won’t judge.), is quite a long shot. You, however, must possess all these qualities. It sounds sickening, and pushing that wheel chair around must be hard work. But, if you can handle the constant depression then maybe this is something for you. It ain’t for me. Amen.

6. Design ugly footwear.
Crocs. Needn’t say more.

7. Be a charity.
Not technically a scam if you change your family’s name to Children. You could ask people for money everywhere you go, just bring a hat or cup, and maybe wear a poster on your back or a t-shirt with a fancy-pantsy slogan on it; “Save the Children!”, “Feed the Children!”, “Buy Children a new car!” etc. OK, so it is a scam.

8. Beg.
This might be too time-consuming if you’re just hanging around on street corners, but it could potentially be a source of income if you know people like Oprah Winfrey or Bill Gates. Of course, they might not give you a dime, but with continued effort they’d eventually be sick and tired of your begging, and give you a tiny little fee just to shut you up. A tiny little fee for billionaires is hopefully more than a couple of dollars or a cookie. Personally, I’d give you a cookie. In fact, I’d even give myself a cookie for resorting to begging. New rule: When pride is lost – have a cookie!

9. One-hit-wonder.
“Miya-hee, Miya-hoo, Miya-ho, Miya-haha” – ring any bells? How about this one: ”Ding ding , Br-Br-Break It, dum dum dumda dum dum dum dum dumda dum dum dum dum dum dumda dum dum, Brem daem”? No? Two amazing one-hit-wonders - O-Zone and Crazy Frog. Too easy! Who wants to start a “band”? No skill required, really. One could always pull a Simon Cowell, and just hire the artist and get your hands on half of their income (or however much is in the contract they’ve signed). Just wrote two songs myself: “The Ding-dong-song” and “Biip. Biip. Biip. (Firealarm Countdown Mania)”. Now all I need is a cartoon character that isn’t a frog, and we’re in business. The business of annoying the living daylight out of all things alive with ears, that is. Still a business.

10. Write a blog.
And hope that whilst writing that blog something or someone will come to you baring brilliant thoughts, ideas and a lovely bouquet of flowers. That way you will have a blog, good ideas and pretty flowers to look at. All at once.