The 1.000.000 Project

Philip Morris and the Kingdom of Tobacco

2009-11-18T03:12:00.000-08:00

I recently quit smoking, and I’m always looking for good reasons to not start again. I guess the first really good reason for not smoking is the price of cigarettes. We don’t really think about heart attacks or not being able to breathe when we’re having our morning coffee (morning coffee is always consumed with its partner The Cigarette if you’re a smoker) – most of us are more concerned with the cost of being a smoker when it comes to short term reasoning. Long term though; definitely health.

Let’s say that you’re a smoker who consumes 20 cigarettes a day. If you go to Smart Club, the cost of a carton of Marlboro Lights is $48,67 in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. One carton contains 10 packs of smokes, and each pack 20 cigarettes. That makes your direct weekly cost of smoking $34;

48,67/10 = 4,867
4,867*7 = 34,069

At this rate you will have spent $1.772 by one year, given of course that you only smoke 20 cigarettes per day for that entire year. As a smoker for years, I know that when consuming alcohol or spending time with friends who also smoke that budget is quite level-headed. Thankfully bars and restaurants don’t allow smoking inside their establishments anymore (most places), which seriously cuts down any smoker’s budget.

The profit after costs of those $1.772 goes to the people behind the cigarette companies. Philip Morris, who produces, among other brands, Malboro is one of them.

As King of the Kingdom of Tobacco Philip Morris made a profit in 2008 of $16.3 billion dollars – and that was just for sales outside of the US!

If I had been a more dark and devious person, I’d say that the cigarette industry is a good thing to invest in. Based on profit alone it is, but then there is the tiny little fact of perhaps dying a gruesome death from smoking that’s stopping me from recommending it. People actually die from smoking – right here and right now. The estimated number is 50 per hour in the US alone. 50 per hour! That means that the United States looses 1.200 people by each passing day and night from a drug that’s still legal.

Addiction followed by death – is it any wonder I’ve quit?

Although Barack Obama is working on limiting accessibility to cigarettes by increasing the taxes significantly, the cigarette industry will find a way to sneak around that. As they should – they are a legal business after all. In this day in age I have issues with blaming the industry for a problem affecting all of mankind. Even though they are serious enablers it is we, The People, who chooses to buy and smoke cigarettes. We are killing ourselves on a legal substances – which then raises the question “Why is it legal?”. It seems that the world is panicking over the swine influenza, and giving all the risk groups vaccines to prevent it – well, then, why aren’t we getting vaccines for being addicted to smoking? Why isn’t anyone who’s anything in terms of government anywhere loud and obnoxious about the risks and dangers? Are the tobacco industry too powerful, or too good at lobbying?

Are the Kings of Tobacco truly Kings of Mankind?

Confessions of a Smoker

2009-11-13T04:15:00.000-08:00

I admit it; I’m a smoker.

As of Monday however, I’m a non-smoker. And I intend to keep it that way.

Smoking is just stupid. I feel embarrassed about my bad habit – and not mention how expensive it is! Expensive, stupid and lethal – a recipe I wish to not live by.

I’ve been a smoker for nine years. The last time I tried to quit was back in 2003. That did not go so well (let’s just say that quitting before a party where there are wine and other smokers is not a good idea), and I haven’t tried it since. This time around though, I’m deadly serious about it. Literally.

First of all I don’t want to die a gruesome death at a terribly young age. Second, I’m fed up with smelling like an ashtray. What’s the point with wearing perfume when the scent is overshadowed by nicotine and tare? I want to shower on Monday morning and feel completely clean and fresh.

Third, and most importantly; I have other, more important things, to spend my money on! Save them, for example, would be a better thing to do. I should save whatever I’m used to spending on cigarettes on a monthly basis and see how rich I am this time next year.

Well, let’s make it july 1st 2010. In August I’m hopefully a poor student who probably needs a new sofa.

Better idea; save up money spent on smoking until next summer and buy a nice couch! Yay! We have a plan!

All I need to do now is smoke up what I have left and start a new and better life on Monday. I hope I can do this! If I fail – please yell at me. Deal?

Oh yeah, and I’ve quit drinking coffee too. It reminds me too much of smoking. Green tea and smoke free? Wow, I’m like… superhealthy.

Business has been slow & Advanced Algebra

2009-09-26T15:55:00.000-07:00

I’ve been working very, very hard for the last couple of months. Not on the million dollars directly – more indirectly in the form of perhaps earning a master’s degree in the US. So now the language test is over and done with and I find myself prepping for a math test. Not really a math test, more of a how-much-have-you-learnt-in-twenty-five-years-in-general kind of test. GRE it’s called. Graduate Record Examination. AKA Oh Dear God.

It’s hard to be ambitious. Especially when the thing that motivates you is one year into the future. I haven’t even planned what I’m doing tomorrow, and yet somehow I find myself working hard towards a goal many, many Sunday afternoons in the future.

Well, not a full year. But a full 10 months.

And I haven’t even gotten accepted yet.

I will get accepted though. I see no other possibilities. With ambition comes a sense of having to be confident. Not confident always, but most of the time. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have to believe in order to stay motivated. I propose a toast; here’s to getting accepted for grad school in 2010! Cheers, everybody, and have a great Saturday night :)

The Longest 51 Weeks of my Life

2009-08-08T05:32:00.000-07:00

Guess what! Change in plans! I’ve narrowed my list of schools down to a lovely little group – and Minnesota had to go. Right now Iowa State University is leading in the Race for School of the Year. Competing are six schools primarily in the Midwest and in Texas.

I have written my application essay, told my boss that I’m applying and might be leaving, asked three people to write me letters of recommendation, organized a moving-party and storage facilities, gotten my birth certificate in the mail, signed up for the GRE- and TOEFL-tests, asked our lovely financing place for a green light, on Monday I’m being tested for tuberculosis and on Thursday I get the rest of my shots.

Whatever could I be forgetting!?

I feel that I have everything just the way I like it (under control), but I feel as though there is something I haven’t done yet. I’m busy as ever, but I like it! It keeps me sane, literally, sane, and I’m so excited and full of anticipation at this point in time that I don’t really know how I’m going to make it through the next 51 weeks.

First, there’s the TOEFL-test at the end of August. Then there’s a meeting with a student association in the beginning of September, before it all finishes off with a GRE-test in the end of October. Then I guess we just send in a complete application packet – and wait.

The longest waiting game of my life is about to go into phase two – Studying. Phase two was Organizing, Phase 3 is Applying, Phase 4 is Waiting and finally – Phase Five which is Doing. Doing everything I haven’t been able to now –like ask for a visa, for example. And apply for housing and book a seat on a plane. Phase 5 might also be The New Personal Great Depression if I don’t get in. I don’t have a plan B – so I’m taking a risk and hoping for the best when it comes to Plan A.

Fingers crossed people. Fingers crossed.

Remember when I mentioned wanting to shop at Sam's Club?

2009-07-18T10:39:00.000-07:00

If you don't, you can read about it right here!

Anywho. That idea has taken on a whole new life since it was published. I was thinking “why only think about how cool Sam's Club is, and how cool the US is” - which then turned into thoughts like “I should move there. How do I move there?”. From that I've figured out that the easiest way to get a visa for more than 3 months is to study. Since I've already got a bachelor's degree, I'm about to apply for a Graduate Degree (in Mass Communication).

If I'm lucky enough to be accepted as a student at one of the colleges I'm applying to, that means that the 1.000.000 Project will move with me in exactly one year from today. Holy crap.

So what have I done to make this dream-move come true?

1. I have signed up to take the TOEFL-test and the GRE-test

2. I've contacted a university in Minnesota

3. I've asked two people to write me letters of recommendation

4. I'm meeting up with an association for students abroad next week in order to pick their brains for useful info.

HOLY CRAP! I can't believe I'm actually doing this. However, I do remain cool and collected for the most part. And I also try to think that I probably won't get in. Thinking negative thoughts like that is my way of coping with rejection – should that Day of Rejection come.

I've always felt a connection with, or felt drawn to, the US of A. It might be the culture that has been a part of my life since... well, forever. American culture is everywhere. I even have American readers right here on my bloggielog– which is very cool, by the way ;) More specifically there's Oprah. And 11 years ago the Backstreet Boys. Nowadays it's basically everything on TV. And in my stereo. Sometimes even in my fridge.

Wish me luck – I'm going to need it! And, if you're a clairvoyant who can tell me whether or not I'm a student in Minnesota as of next fall – please let me know at 1000000project@gmail.com!

PS! To top the whole thing of, this is what my horoscope said this month; “Your life is about to be turned inside out in months to come, but changes are long overdue.”
I'm just saying....

What can you buy for $1.000.000 in 2009?

2009-07-15T06:54:00.000-07:00

A new list. I love lists.

In 2009 one million US dollars can get you…

… a high-end 2 bedroom apartment in New York, New York

or… a lot of houses in Detroit, MI (foreclosure, foreclosure, foreclosure.)

… 202.020 copies of “Pride and Prejudice” from Amazon.com (paperback)

… 150 one-way tickets from Frankfurt, Germany to Ashgabat, Turkmenistan with United Airlines on August 3rd

… The Complete First Season of “The Ricky Gervais Show” (podcasts) times 168.067

… to be continued…

I Dream of Sam’s Club

2009-07-07T02:59:00.001-07:00

I love Sam’s Club. Not that I’ve actually been there before. I just know that Sam’s Club is the store, excuse me; club, for me.

Sometimes I dream of living in the US of A. I spend some time trying to figure out how to get there and what I’m supposed to do once I’m there. I could put my stuff in storage, resign from work (or maybe just ask for a couple of months off...), move out of my leased apartment and head out on the first available plane seat – or I could not. The I-could-not- part freaks me out.

I just turned 25 two weeks ago. Yeah, that’s right – I’m old and used up now. So if I want to live in the USA for a while, isn’t now the time to do it? After all – I’m not going to get any younger or more adventurous anytime soon.

Six years ago I kissed this guy called Gary in London. He was in London, and I was there, we talked/argued about Iraq and he asked me to come to Washington D.C. with him. I turned him down. Why!? Gary, if you’re out there, single and all – call me. Oh, and I’m sorry, but I lost the eagle pin you gave me (and I’m also sorry that we thought that the eagle-pin was actually a microchipped installation from Pentagon, and that we sometimes talked to it whilst under the influence of alcohol (“Gary? Hello? Over!”). We suck, and I apologize for that too also as well.).

Since I might need an income in order to make the move over from Europe – does somebody need a good, stabile, relatively not-lazy employee over there? Sam’s Club – are you interested? Call me! No, you know what – send me an e-mail instead; 1000000project@gmail.com . I promise I can speak English even though I’m clearly foreign. The English words I don’t know I can make up for by using my irresistible charm and/or fancy body language.

Do I have a Green Card? No, not yet! But let me know a couple of months ahead of time, and I’ll make a green card happen. You see, I can make things happen – I’m that kind of great employee!

After writing this I’m more pumped up and excited about this potential move than ever before! Yay, USA! And also – yay, Sam’s Club!

Always Coming Back from Something

2009-06-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

I’m ba-aack! This time I’m coming back from Sweden. Ah, Sweden. Where the mosquitoes come to fornicate and reproduce millions of baby-mosquitoes every single year in the month of June (veracious, veracious!).

Except from being synonymous with itching, Sweden is also known for IKEA. I love IKEA. I could decorate an entire villa with furniture from IKEA. Most people frown upon that statement, and I want to take this opportunity to frown back at them: :S

Official statement: I could never marry an IKEA-hater. Official statement over. Roger!

OK, so back to IKEA;

Ingvar Feodor Kamprad turned 83 this year. He founded IKEA in 1943 – at the mere age of 17. At the beginning they only sold smaller merchandise such as frames and jewellery, but rapidly expanded and by 1955 IKEA were designing (and selling, of course.) their own furniture.
The name IKEA consists of Kamprad’s initials (I.K.), and is followed by Elmtaryd and Agunnaryd – respectively the name of the families farm and the village he grew up in.

IKEA's annoying (yes, I’ll admit it; annoying!) flat packs went into production in 1956. Well, at least they started testing it out in 1956. Unfortunately, it worked. They still have everything packed really flat.

IKEA kept growing and expanding through the years, and in 1983 they hired their 6000th employee (multiply that number with 8,83333 and you’ll know how many were employed there 10 years ago. Geek.). Two years later their first warehouse in the US of A opened.
http://www.ikea.com/ become a reality in 1997, and although we might not know exactly how many visitors they have a month I’m guessing it’s quite a few!

And the silver lining? We could ask Kamprad, but with his billions of dollars to spend I’m guessing he’s just too busy to answer!

Jealous.

Gillette – the Best a Man can Get

2009-06-10T10:39:00.000-07:00

I read an article recently that made my moneyheart melt. The people who make and sell razors, among those Gillette (the best a man can ge-e-et – a commercial that sticks to your brain like dried up shave gel sticks to your skin.), make their products for a dime and sell them for a whole lot more.

According to the Daily Mail they have a «(...) a mark-up of more than 4,750 per cent.», which means they buy in at a superlow cost and sell it to consumers for a lot more.

Of course, you can't run a business with exceptionally high mark-ups and still have a clear conscience. At least not if governments around the world wants their say in the matter. According to the article the price of shaving products in the UK is now under investigation.

I wonder how much it costs to produce tampons. Or aluminum foil. Or candles. It can't be much – so maybe our money-making-future is in the hands of all consumers everywhere? We all need a candle once in a while, so why not a small handmade candle for a lot of money? If it's handmade it's definitely worth more, we know that for sure.

I'm not sure about hand-made tampons, though.

Does this intro make you want to continue reading?

2009-06-03T04:40:00.000-07:00

From: Me
To: Friend
Subject: This is what I’ve become.

Trying to figure out which TV-shows to watch later. Have great expectations. I really should concentrate on getting some work done. Been thinking about Presidential Elections in the US of A. Would’ve voted for Obama, if I could. Pro-life - what’s that all about? How do you love a baby who shares the genes of you and a rapist? One may never recover. So, mostly looking forward to watching TV.

From: Friend
To: Me
Subject: Re: This is what I’ve become.

Yeah, that would suck. My back hurts. I’m handicapped. Want to start a club for the handicapped?

I’m in. Not because I’m disabled, but because I want to join a club. And to get handicap parking. Also, my hand hurts a little. I think it’s because I spend 18 hours a day in front a computer. Typing, and moving the mouse around. Sometimes I click on it to make stuff happen on my screen - about as interesting as my days get. If that’s not the case, the pain might come from old age. Or just age, seeing as how I’m not that old. I am 24 and half, which means I am halfway to 49. 49! Shit. Memo to self: Must get life in order before age of 26. 25 is too close to make serious bets with oneself about ones life. Twenty five is only a heartbeat away - the way Celine Dion would’ve put it if she made a song about my life. Why wouldn’t she sing my lifestory – after all, it is a ballade waiting to happen.

On a more serious note, my life isn’t truly all that bad. It’s actually pretty great; good family, good job, nice friends and I live alone. In an apartment.

The apartment I’m renting is my castle, and I am the king. “Apartment” – it’s more like a room with some added benefits, like a bathroom and a kitchen area. But still, it’s my very own “apartment”, and I love it! Something bigger and not so close to the refuse storage area (just trash, basically, in a trashy room, right underneath my window – it’s slightly worse during the summer months than when its cold outside.) would be good though. And also, maybe not so close to a busy street. I don’t have dust anymore around my windows, just black powder-like debris. It comes from the exhaust of the cars and busses, I guess. My flat sounds more like a waste plant than a place of comfort and homely refuge, doesn’t it? I might get cancer if I stay here much longer – but if it’ll get me out of work for a little while, then… no. No! I did not mean that. Not cancer. Just the flu. Like a little bit. A cold, even. Anything that’s not lethal. All I want is a couple of days off work. You might think that taking some time of work is doable. But then again… you haven’t met my boss.

Going to See a Therapist

2009-05-27T06:24:00.000-07:00

And by therapist I mean shrink.

Have you ever seen the hysterically funny TV-show “Peep Show”? It’s British, and I love it! I really needn’t sum up how I feel about going to see a shrink; I’m just going to let Mark do it for me:

Click Here to View Amazing YouTube Clip

Ah, blessed be these genius people who write this fantastic show! I want to be one of you! Call me.

Back to the topic in question; my doctor has sent me to see a psychologist, and I’m also popping little (i.e. HUGE) pink pills twice a day, because of what he describes as a depressive state of mind. I’m depressed, apparently, along with millions of other people out there.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t sit at home and weep all day. In fact, I don’t think I’ve cried for years.

It’s more about forgetting stuff. I actually thought at one point that I was getting Alzheimer’s. Sometimes I feel completely retarded, and I’ve even forgotten my own birthday. Everything seems to be moving at a slower pace – and doing the smallest chores feels like going through Hell, even though I’m just [for example] going downstairs to get rid of my trash.

Mental challenges aren’t what this blog is about though, but making money is; the therapist I’m going to see actually has a fortune of 600.000 dollars! She’s closer to my goal than I am! Already we’re getting off on the wrong foot.

So, yeah, I’ve basically checked out her tax return from last year. Maybe I do need to see a therapist. After all – finding out who I am and where I’m supposed to go in my life doesn’t seem like a terrible idea! Especially not in a comfortable chair with someone who’s paid to listen to everything I have to say.

I’m actually warming up to the idea. At least for now.

Spring Cleaning - starting fresh

2009-05-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

Oh my. I started the most insane cleaning-and-organizing- project today. I’ve literally scrubbed and sterilized every single inch of my penthouse. Well… at least I will have scrubbed and sterilized every single inch… when I’m done…

7 hours of intensely hard work - and 45% still remain!

Oh my.

To make it even worse; I was out last night. I seriously hope that painkillers mixed with cleaning products isn’t lethal. I refuse to die in an awesomely clean apartment! I won’t have it! All this work is going to pay off.

I’ll be alive and breathing in a super clean environment tomorrow, and I intend to enjoy it.

In other words - I’m not thinking about ways to make money today. I’m actually throwing stuff (and by stuff I mean four boxes and five trash bags) out. Not selling it, throwing it away. It’s the wrong way to go, but my hope is that one of the neighbors will take it away before it’s gone forever. At least then it can be considered charitable.

The really great news is that I found four bottles of red wine and a liter of whiskey. I had hidden hit in a cupboard. Why would I do that!? Oh well. The booze is safe now, and thank God for that!

Actually, I will thank God for it. It’s a Jesusday today, which is why I can spend a whole day cleaning instead of going to work. So, thank you God and Jesus!

I’m not really religious, but I do enjoy getting paid for not coming to work every once in a while.

... and there I went to finish the job.

A new Project within the Project - Pixel Art

2009-05-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

Hello.

Welcome to my art exhibiton "Pixel Style"! We all know by now that I can't draw. Or paint. We also know that I can spend hours in front of a computer. Also, we know that I'm trying to find myself and become very, very (, very.) rich. As a result of these confusing, but to fair - completely unrelated, circumstances, I have decided to make art on my computer. In other words - I'm trying to express myself without actually coming near (or touching.) any paint or real-life-brushes (made from horsehair. Yuck and yay - I don't really know how to feel about it.)

I hope you enjoy "Pixel Style"!

... and, of course, all pieces are for sale.

Break Free

Deceit

9 - 17

Where the Heart is

Cross Line

Dot.

Fit in

OMG, ROFLMAO. n00b.

2009-05-12T06:51:00.000-07:00

No, really. The headline means something. I just laughed at you really, really hard, and at the same time I called you a newbie. Ergo – it is possible to mock and ridicule people at this day in age without ever letting them know.

Scary? Possibly. Potential for business? Definitely.

“Parents of a Teenager-ictionary For Dummies”, for example. Or “Teenictionary”. Or “Geekictionary”. Selling point, for use in radio commercial: “Is your child a nerd who uses nerd language whilst communicating with his friends in writing, and now you feel slightly desperate and want to understand what they’re saying to each other to make sure they’re not planning to do something totally outrageous? Fear not! The new Nerdictionary 2000 is now available in stores near you! Don’t be a n00b.”

Epic lulz, ppl. Epic lulz.

I am sympathypregnant.

2009-05-08T06:50:00.000-07:00

Yes. That's right. I am sympathizing with the pregnant, feeling as though I myself am pregnant, which I’m not. Just too many pregnant people around me, I guess. My feet are swollen, I’m sweating (even though Mother Earth is clearly confused and has made this day in May feel like late autumn/early winter.), I pee every two minutes (no problem, you’re welcome for this piece of too much information!), and I’m craving... well, nothing in particular. Craving for anything, really.

On the other hand – I might just be tired and/or lazy today.

Either way, today is not the first day of the rest of my life. I suppose it would be if I really was pregnant and just happened to give birth today. The first day of the rest of my nappy-changing, baby-comforting, breastfeeding life. I think we’ve established by now that that is not the first bulletin pointed piece of paper on my Life Agenda.

So. Agenda. I like lists, and I like Action Plans. To-do-lists are my rescue in times of horror and unbelievable stress. Which is why I, in these babypoppin’ days, feel like settling down with a what-I-am-doing-this-weekend-list (PS! for what you’re about to read – I’m sorry. It just had to be done. Sent out into the Universe which is the Internet, giving me zero excuses to do nothing for the next 2.5 days):

1. Change bedding
2. Find plausible plot for book (must stop writing just for the sake of writing. It really brings no sense of fulfilment – inside (soulwise) or in money sack (not that I have a money sack. Although – I do realize now that I want one!))
3. Wash stuff, including clothes
4. Go to grocery store – tired of eating bread, must have good dinner. And eggs. For breakfast.
5. Attempt to make new header for blog
6. Must fix broken drawer
7. Design money sack
8. Sleep until I wake up au naturelle

Oh, the joyous life of being able to complete all 8 goals before I turn on the TV tonight. Well. It depends, I guess. On how comfortable and alluring absolutely everything else seems. For the most part. Or how much I really don’t want to do anything.

They say pregnant people mustn’t stress, don’t they? Not do any heavy lifting or other forms of intense labour?

Ah, the joy of being pregnant without actually being pregnant! I could live like this for a while, and at the same time think of a way in which that in itself could make me a very rich individual. I’m sure it’s doable – someway, somehow, somewhere!

9. Be lazy for a long period of time, and at the same time making sure that a steady stream of cash is going in to money sack

Shake the Nipple – doing London in 4 days and 3 nights

2009-05-06T04:33:00.000-07:00

A Travel Letter in 739 Words

Wow – London! I love London! They have beer in London. And Camden Market. And fish & chips. And lovely people. Some strange people, and a couple not-so-lovely-people – but overall the English have proven to be friendly and nice.

I, on the other hand, struggled for at least a day and half with being as polite as the English. The first night I said “Shit!” in the elevator (because it almost killed us – the elevator, that is.), and I forgot for a second or two that “Shit!” is not a positive or accepted word amongst strangers or children. So the rest of our fellow elevatorers hated us. My friend tried to make them happy by being jolly, and she even said “byyee byyyeee!” when we got out on our floor. It didn’t work. Neither of them replied.

The second day I was smoking outside the hotel and an elderly gentleman came up to me and mumbled something. Because he mumbled I couldn’t understand what he was saying (obviously.), so I replied “What?” instead of the accepted “Pardon?” or “Excuse me?”. He then got all snappy at me - which of course now I can understand and relate to. I didn’t get ‘it’ until later that day, when all of a sudden ‘it’ came to me; In England, one is supposed to be polite, and not being polite means that one is rude and can be perceived as obnoxious. And from that moment on I said thank you, pardon, please, excuse me, I’m sorry, may I please etc etc at least once per sentence.

The moral is; if you’re going to England, please be polite.

If I’m going to complain about something that is clearly wrong in the English culture, I would have to mention two things; the pubs close at 11pm (what’s that all about!?), and females are not supposed to drink beer.

Oh well.

We did meet some crazy people. And by crazy I mean heeellooo. One guy rapidly went from talking about how he was born in Ireland to all of us somehow being responsible for the tragic death of Princess Diana. Another guy wanted us to shake his nipple. Shake his nipple as in shake his hand, except not his hand – his nipple. A third tried to christen me by putting his hand on my hand whilst asking for the sweet release of Jesus Christ.

All of the above happened at a bar. Obviously.

I didn’t get any wealthier in London, but some good things did happen. For example, I learnt that “Give us a snog then” means “Kiss me now, and kiss me hard, please”. And if someone says that one must be prepared for a lot of lip and tongue action. Of course I wasn’t prepared, and it ended up being a funny kiss rather than a cool snog. I also learnt that I can talk to people about almost anything whilst under the influence – like for example I didn’t freak out when asked to go to a sex club and have a foursome. I didn’t have to run away whilst screaming, because the sex club was closed (and thank God in Heaven for that)! Also, I have absolutely no problem whatsoever with singing in the street after a couple of double Jack’s on the rocks. German songs, to make it even worse. With German back-up-singer, who, incidentally, also were under the influence.

Finally – if you go and see a musical, be prepared to sing and hum the songs for at least four days afterwards, annoying everyone around you and eventually yourself. We saw the Queen musical “We Will Rock You”, which was great, but I am not listening to any Queen songs for at least two weeks. It’s still too fresh.

The end of the story is that 4 days and 3 nights in London simply isn't enough time to spend in this great European metropolis. We didn't get to meet the Queen in that short amount of time. Nor did we shake hands (or nipple.) with Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant or Karl Pilkington. We did however do London by day and night with style – which of course is the only excepted way to travel anywhere!

To the lovely people we met (Sam, Ben, Adam, toilet-lady, Miguel, Miguel’s very drunk friend, Tim, Crazy-Clive, Pavel-Music-Man, Pavel-Bicycle-Teacher-Lovely-Man, Brasilian-Music-Guy, Q, Nice Non-Verbal Doorman with Good ID-photo on Arm) – thank you! We’ll be back soon :D

(Un)important Things

2009-04-30T04:15:00.000-07:00

I love these lovely bloggieloggieposties! Especially when I’m tagged in them and as a result mean that I can take a break from not working. Yes, I know. I should be working. But I can’t. Why? Because today is Going-to-London-Day! :D London = Yay! Passport – check. Travelthingy from airlinepeople – check. Too much clothes – check. Toothbrush – check. Credit card – check. Enough painkillers to take the edge of 3 consecutive hangovers – check. Good mood – check!

Alright. Now that _that_ is out of my system I shall continue;

The 3 rules of (Un)important Things are:

A. Mention the person who tagged you.
Afternoon Tea Break! Please go visit this great fellowbloggers blog at http://creditcrunchcareerchange.blogspot.com/

B. List six unimportant things that make you happy.
(My list is in random order)
1. Whisky. It makes me feel important, sophisticated and decadent.
2. Superfresh bed clothing that has dried outside. On a washing line. = springtime!
3. Gasoline. Not the horror it can cause if one wants it to, obviously – I just love the smell!
4. Chilling in front of the TV after a long day
5. Sunny summer days in the park with a chilled beer and hot dogs, relaxing and Living the Easy Life with good friends.
6. The first two hours after I’ve done a good cleaning job at home – everything is so nice and fresh and clean and sterile, and my feet hurt and I sit down with a cup of coffee looking at all the shiny stuff around me. Then I make dinner, and everything gets spoiled. Still, those two hours after the job is done is heaven!

C. Tag six blogs, state the rules and notify them with a comment on their blog.

This is getting hard to do (and also, I’ve got a plane to catch! :D), so I’ve tried using the Next Blog function. The first six I found were;

Susurros de pensamientos

Designer Outlet

Diário Gauche

APOSENTADO INVOCADO

operacion pitiegua campibiri

Italianalisi

Congratulations to the lucky six! :D

Noblesse Oblige Award

2009-04-29T06:41:00.000-07:00

Yay – Afternoon Tea Break gave me the Noblesse Oblige Award! I am sooo proud and soooo happy – thank you so much!

In a short amount of time Afternoon Tea Break has become one of my all time favourite bloggers. Her honest and personal way of blogging is something I, and I’m sure millions of others, can easily relate to. If you’re trying to make changes in your life, big or small, I sincerely recommend you check out her blog Career Changing in the Credit Crunch. For me, her post Holding Back The Fears is spot on – it’s exactly how I’m feeling! Even though we describe our goals differently, they both boil down to the same thing; finding one self and discovering the right path on which to trot and thrive. Scary as it might be, in the end life is too short not to try.

Here's what the award is all about:

The recipient of this award is recognized for the following:
1) The Blogger manifests exemplary attitude, respecting the nuances that pervades amongst different cultures and beliefs.
2) The Blog contents inspire; strives to encourage and offers solutions.
3) There is a clear purpose at the Blog; one that fosters a better understanding on Social, Political, Economic, the Arts, Culture and Sciences and Beliefs.
4) The Blog is refreshing and creative.
5) The Blogger promotes friendship and positive thinking.
The Blogger who receives this award will need to perform the following steps:
1) Create a Post with a mention and link to the person who presented the Noblesse Oblige Award.
2) The Award Conditions must be displayed at the Post.
3) Write a short article about what the Blog has thus far achieved – preferably citing one or more older post to support.
4) The Blogger must present the Noblesse Oblige Award in concurrence with the Award conditions.
5) The Blogger must display the Award at any location at the Blog.

What my blog (The 1.000.000 Project) has achieved so far:
The only time I’ve struggled with money was when I had none. I remember how hard it was to scrape together enough cash to get a hot meal (i.e. noodles.), and how pitiful I felt when I couldn’t afford the slightest pleasure or even a bus ticket.

I’m not a poor student anymore. Now I’m just average. I started this project mainly because I’m scared of becoming too set in my average ways. We all know that it’s impossible to gain something without taking any risks. On the other side, average and boring is so much more comfortable, and doesn’t acquire any special skills or mindset to get by. If you’re OK with just getting by, that is.

Humour is an important part of my project, as in all my life ventures. I like funny people, I like being funny – and I will continue to try being funny as much as I possibly can. I may not have achieved the ultimate goal yet – but when I do there will be a huge grin on my face!

I hereby pass this wonderful award on to;

1. A Lighted Flame
2. Becoming an Author… my journey

3. From The North Fork Long Island

4. Life Makes Me Laugh . . .

5. E_M_Y Reviews.

Enjoy these lovely blogs!

What I would do if I had unlimited amounts of money

2009-04-17T04:41:00.000-07:00

I’m a fan of lists, so I’ve made another one. Yay! This one lists the things I would do if I didn’t have a financial care in the world (in random order, and most likely incomplete):

1. Buy an apartment
I’m currently renting an apartment. “Apartment” – it’s more like a room with some added benefits, like a bathroom and a kitchen area. But still, it’s my very own “apartment”, and I love it! Something bigger and not so close to the refuse storage area (just trash, basically, in a trashy room, right underneath my window – it’s slightly worse during the summer months than it is right now.) would be good though. And also, maybe not so close to a busy street. I don’t have dust anymore on my windowsills, just black powder from the exhaust that spews out of the buses, cars and trucks that go by. My apartment sounds more like a waste plant than a place of comfort and homely refuge, doesn’t it? I might get cancer if I stay there much longer – another reason for me to get my hands on that million dollars!

2. Get a cow
I really don’t know where I would place this cow, since I live in a city, but I’m sure there are nice farms that could take care of my cow. I could visit it every now and then – milk it, talk to it, take pictures of it – all whilst we run together down a crisp green meadow, holding hands and hoof and udder.

3. Pay of debt
Don’t really have much of it, but there’s always that terribly annoying student loan! It’s irritating because I definitely drank more at school than I actually studied. So that loan is mostly beer and wine and cigarettes, not wisdom or real abilities. Which of course is sad, but it’s also true. Kids – don’t study until you know what you want to be when you grow up! It’s just such a waste, in more ways than one.

4. No more public transportation!
Here’s the thing, I love trees. I love birds, fish, dogs, hamsters, rats (well.), not getting burnt to death by the sun, breathing etc., but I hate taking the bus. The smell, the people, the crowded how-am-I-supposed-to-get-off-at-the-next-stop-with-all-these-people-blocking-me- feeling of angst, the stuffiness, the inflexibility. Something’s got to give, so I would like to hand in my bus pass in exchange for a vehicle of any kind with a driver that goes along with it. OK, not any kind, maybe not the kind that has a sidecar or the possibility of maybe having a sidecar. It has to be a car. With doors. And windows. I’ll hug the occasional tree a couple of times a day – promise.

5. Share with someone less fortunate
Because I want to. Because I should. And because it’s totally PC.

6. Sleep
Yeah, that’s right. Sleep. For at least one whole weekend. Maybe a week.

The Fashion Industry and four reasons why one should partake in it

2009-04-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

I’ve been contemplating on whether or not I should buy a sewing machine. And some fabric to run through it. You might ask why that is. Or you might not. But still, here’s my explanation as to why it might be a good investment;

1. Freedom to Spice it Up and therefore Charge Extra
One could slap on some diamonds on a simple design and sell it as “The Most Expensive Garment Ever Because There Is Diamonds Attached” – get a couple of million for it (depending on the value of the diamonds and how elaborate the design is, of course) and call it a day. The bonus is of course that you could slap diamonds on everything that is something. Not just fancy things. I’m sure there is a market for my “Diamond Extravaganza Coffee Mug” out there to. I shall call the kitchen line “Xtrvgnz”.

2. Freedom to be Selective
Only sell size 0 clothes = less fabric = less costs = same retail price as a size 16 (hypothetically)

3. Freedom to Create and Lead by Example
You make the rules, and therefore dress accordingly. No need to study Vogue if you are Vogue!

4. Freedom to Call your Pieces Art if they’re Shit.

So now we wait for the recession to end.

Vacation!

2009-04-09T08:02:00.000-07:00

Woho! Easter! Not going back to work until Tuesday = time off = chill and recuperate. And that is exactly what I intend to do.

My day started at 1 pm. Dwelled on the fact that I could either go back to sleep for a couple of hours, or I could get up. I was hungry, so I got up.

It’s so extremely fulfilling to be able to make choices in life when you’re faced with two options that are equally satisfying. And equally fantastic. Eat or sleep? Love it.

Thought of the Day; How picky are the passport people nowadays? I have a passport, in which there is a picture of me smiling. You can’t do that in passport pictures anymore, but obviously you could when I got mine in 1998. Does that mean that I can use it, or do I have to get it renewed?

Actually, the answer I’m looking for is “yes, you can”, because frankly I haven’t got time to get a new one. Why, you ask? Because I’m going to London! London! Yes! In three weeks I’ll be in England, eating fish and chips whilst sipping on a lovely fresh pint.

Only going for four days - but still, it’s four days in lovely London! Marvelous.

London is the home of several rich people. Obviously. There’s Queen Elizabeth. And her children and their children. And probably some cousins, aunts and uncles as well. And Sir Alan Sugar. Well, I suppose all the “Sirs” are loaded with some kind of fortune. Lords, Barons, Dukes, Ladies.

Fun fact: You could actually buy a regal title! It’s slightly disappointing, really. The Lord of WhichCouncilFlat could actually just be a You or a Me. No roots or fascinating family history. Not that I would mind a flashy title - by all means. I would love to call other people commoners. “Oh, poddoo, you commoner!” But still, it hurts a little that we could all buy a title and live happily ever after. For just $197. What gives.

Anyway Where was I. Oh yes. London.

Who knows London well? Where do all the rich entrepreneurs hang out? Even abroad I shall be focused on the task at hand - money. Not today obviously - I mean, this is a vacation.

Now I shall dwell on whether I should watch a movie or turn on the TV. Yay!

Photography - the Art of being a Clicker

2009-04-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

I mentioned in a previous post that I had started on a new project within the Project; photography. I also promised to show you the fruits of my very extensive labor when I had befriended Photshop.

Safe to say - that has not happened yet. However, I have taken pictures, and I did buy a new camera for the project. In order to feel like a professional one must have OK equipment to start with - official theory.

The sad part is I stumbled upon a beautiful sunrise one morning on my way to work, and I only had my compact camera with me. It’s sad because the quality could’ve been seven times better with my new and super cool Nikon;

And this is my attempt at being slightly more artistic;

Trying to find beauty in every day things:

Just missing the cat:

“Big Car and Little Car” - could’ve been quite delightful with the right angle. And focus. And not-so-much-disturbing-blurriness:

Missing the cat. Again.:

Went for a walk. Found something growing out of this plastic thing. Thought it was cute. It wasn’t.:

As long as there are two P's in Photography

I am not giving up!

People like Finance never wear shirts

2009-03-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

Something I haven’t tapped into in this luscious blog of mine yet is what I do for a living. *drumroll* I work in finance. You know; the big scary industry of nothingness.

If Finance was a contender on Big Brother, he’d be the mimbo (male bimbo = mimbo) running around flexing his muscles every chance he’d get. Always telling everyone how wonderful, strong, hard-working and confident he is whilst never giving up his straight and very intimidating face.

On the inside though, he’s a pussy. A soft man with a gentle soul who wants to cuddle. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but it might look as though Finance has been cuddling and holding hands with the wrong crowd for some time now.

I enjoy a steady income just as much as the next average person, but I can’t help to sometimes think that this Financial Crisis should hit me with some sort of force. Is it too much to ask not to be swamped with work? Or to maybe get downsized just a little bit?

Saying that, I realize, is like swearing in church. Here I am – a member of a fine financial institution which is suffering from hardship asking for the crisis to release me from employment. At least a little bit.

There might be a financial crisis going on in the world, but you certainly couldn’t tell by the paper heaps surrounding me at work. If the paper on my desk could talk, it would be crying. Purely out of neglect. I left my desk a couple of days ago, just to get some coffee, and when I came back, a mere two minutes later, 19 people had decided to e-mail me. 19! In two minutes! Did they all want to say ’hello, how are you, please enjoy your coffee.’? No. They wanted me to fix something - to snap my fingers and make something wonderful happen.

And I did.

The last couple of weeks has been crazy. Crazy good for the company, crazy bad for me. On a more positive note I can’t wait to find what I’m looking for in life - you know, the million dollars and all that. I don’t mind working as long as work is enjoyable. At least somewhat enjoyable. Five out of six days? Is that too much to ask?

I win! Yay!

2009-03-29T05:45:00.000-07:00

Thank you, AlpHa Buttonpusher for the wonderful Sisterhood Award! I shall cherish it and make it feel right at home here on my bloggielog :D

I wish to pass this award on to:

Because the crazy is all part of my charm
It Is What It Is
Figure: Demystifying the Feminist Mystique
Slum Goddess - A Life of Lunacy.
My turn to talk

This is how it works:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 5 blogs which show great ATTITUDE and/or GRATITUDE.
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link this post to the person from whom you received your award.

Go on - enjoy these lovely blogs, and don’t forget to visit the great PushButton Alpha either!

Project Status Report

2009-03-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

It’s time for the first ever “1.000.000 Project Status Report”. Yay!

Money in Bank: 13 million 722 thousand… Indonesian Rupees.
OK. Fine. Twelve hundred American Dollars.

Money on its way to bank account: Just the Next Average Paycheck

Projects within the Project: The Book, Photography (I take pictures now – will come back to it when I have something to show for it. In other words; when Photoshop and I are getting along), Movie Script, Also relying somewhat on a general groundbreaking idea yet to be determined

Karma in KarmaBank: Definitely some!*

*Will find out if they can use my blood at the Bloodtakingplace within four weeks. I don’t see why they couldn’t. I = Donate Great Blood. The tests that I took yesterday went well, by the way, since you were wondering; blood pressure = normal, I still weigh more than 100 pounds and have yet to be a drug addict or infected by Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease AKA Mad Cow Disease. Mad Cow? Really? They had to ask? I’m slightly insulted. Anywho. Now we’re just waiting to see if I’ve got HIV, Hepatitis or Syphilis. Great. Can’t wait. I thought they only took a small blood sample from like the finger or something on first-timers. But no. They brought out the big guns. It was OK – needn’t worry if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, it didn’t hurt. Honestly. Almost no pain at all, just a little pinch followed by a tiny little bruise. The worst part was, as always, ripping of the bandage afterwards! Like, really, Health People, I am baffled (not really, that was just a word I used for dramatic effect.) that we haven’t seen a bandage revolution in this world yet. It has got to be possible not to use the kind of tape that sticks to your skin like super glue.

Reality TV and feeling bad for Tom Green

2009-03-09T13:21:00.000-07:00

If someone came up to you and told you (at gunpoint, just for dramatic effect) to choose between being a contender on a reality TV Show or die, which show would you choose to be on?

This is something I spend too much time thinking about. It really is one of those thoughts that gets you nowhere, but are relatively entertaining. I do feel that soon, very soon, the entire world will know someone who knows someone who’s been on a reality show. It’s like cancer. Except less lethal and painful (different pain, at least.).

To answer my own question; if forced at gunpoint I would definitely go for “The Apprentice”. Actually, it wouldn’t have to be a decision made under severe pressure and yearning to live; strict language from an authoritative figure would suffice.

First of all, it’s a great show. I love it with every fiber of my television-being. Secondly, there’s the Donald - and the Donald Jr. (who by the way slowly but surely seems to be adapting to his fathers hairstyle. I guess that comes with the job.) - I love them to.

And let’s not forget the third and most important thing about ”The Apprentice”; you get real-life-hard-business-experience in NYC, and I can’t help but to think how much that must shape your character. I’m certain that if you didn’t know your weaknesses before entering The Trump World of Business, you sure will at the end of your time there.

If you’re lucky, you get to stay long enough to see Evil Personified evaporate in front of your eyes.

And if you’re really lucky (and a damn good leader, of course) - you win. Of course, that’s what happens at most reality TV shows, someone winning and all, but imagine working for Trump? And getting paid for it?

Wow.

Oh yeah, and I have to mention (because it’s in the title, I was actually kind of happy just ending with a simple ’wow’, but noooo.) that I felt really bad for Tom Green last night. I mean, come on, EEE? Tom was funnyright (what you are when you’re funny and right about something at the same time) when he pointed out that EEE is a brasize. Not even a bra - a large bra.

I like Tom Green. I think Tom Green is going home on Sunday (i.e. the next episode). But I still like Tom Green.

Things Other People Accomplished When They Were Your Age

2009-03-06T05:43:00.000-08:00

After stopping by the website that provides the very depressing Things Other People Accomplished When They Were Your Age, I need some millionspiration. My mind can only do so much on its own (no, really, it’s true!). So, I’ve been looking around the intraweb for people who have already done it; gotten filthy stinkin’ rich.

Forbes.com has got some great lists. I especially love the list “The World Billionaires” – basically because it lists the richest people in the entire world. At number 785 there’s the 24-year old Mark Zuckerberg. He’s the youngest one, and we all know how popular Facebook has become – hence why Zuckerberg’s filthy stinkin’ rich. Problem is – he’s a computergeek. I’m not. I know so little about computers that even keeping up with this blog is impossible.

Well. Not entirely true. But you know what I mean.

Second on the list, if you sort it by age, is Prince Albert von Thurn und Taxis. Hellooo - wonderful name! His fortune, around 2.3 billion dollars, comes from the family, the other Von Thurn and Taxis’.

Inheritance – don’t you love it when it plays in your favour?

Speaking of names – the Mars Family, Forrest, Jacqueline and John, share the 20th place on the 400 Richest Americans list. With 12 billion dollars each I’m sure they can eat all the Marsbars they want. Yum. According to the site that tells the story about the family on mars.com, their family started selling chocolate in 1911. That’s a long time ago.

Oooo, they make M&M’s as well.

“”Fun”” fact – the last 24 people on the Forbes 400-list are all listed with the same net worth, 1.3 billion dollars, which means that the worst you can do is end up as number 377 in the Top 400.

Someone who isn’t quite hitting that magic 1.3 billion dollar mark, but still are doing very well, are three young guys from Seattle. They formed PopCap 9 years ago, and work with developing games. I love the vision behind PopCap Games; Make games. If people like them, they'll buy them. It’s simple – therefore it’s good! And they, John Vechey, Brian Fiete and Jason Kapalka must know what they’re talking about – they made Bejeweled!

If you haven’t played Bejeweled, you haven’t had to go to rehab for it like I’ve had to. Good for you, bad for my clicking-finger!

Radio. Show. Me. Want.

2009-03-02T07:12:00.000-08:00

How do you get a job as a radioperson? Must you begin taping your own shows at home from the age of 4? Do you know someone who knows someone? Or do you just show up at your local radio stations and tell them that you’ve finally arrived to make their lives better?

We did tape our own shows. They sucked, but at least we did it.

Also, we used to make movies. And Comedy Specials. Sometimes we’d rip our slightly younger peers off by hosting backyard circuses. The circus included a fortune teller (in a tent) who quit because she felt the whole thing was too immoral. Note that we were 9 at the time. Maybe 12. And come to think of it; I used to act. And sing. In front of people. They didn’t always have to pay to see the various shows I was in - but sometimes they did. Man, I’m like… so showbiz!

*pause to let future showbizemployers realize how much they want/need my talent(s)*

It all stopped and went away though five years ago. For some reason (this is me avoiding to tell you that I embarrassed myself at a karaoke bar when I was 19. Karaoke! Come on! And I was sober!) stage fright kicked in, and I’ve stayed away from anything that could end up with public embarrassment ever since.

It might be time to get over my failing karaoke-experience and become famous for something showbizzy.

Or it might not. But I could still do radio.

Nick Mitchell! Norman Gentle! You choose!

2009-02-24T12:15:00.001-08:00

This is slightly off topic. But as a premium I-put-bullshit-in-a-system-and-make-it-sound-genuine-kind-of-person, I can do this. I can pull it off in a million dollar way;

American Idol -> you can sing (or you can kinda sing, look amazing and wear a bikini), you enter the competition, you succeed, and finally you win and get rich. Or you don’t win. You could still make a ton of money being an Idol-reject though.

Yeah, that was easy.

Anywho.

I am sure there are a number of talented people in Group #2 performing on Idol tonight. However, I would like to make an appeal for Norman Gentle:
Norman Gentle, woho!
Alternatively: Nick Mitchell, woho!

Not only is he superfunny, but he can also sing extremely well (which of course is the most important thing *hark, hark*) I hope he does well tonight!

On the melody of “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina”; Please vote for Nick, America-ha. The truth is Nick Mitchell is the be-hest.

That was awkward.

One of these days an insane thought is going to make me rich.

2009-02-23T08:48:00.000-08:00

I’ve had some new groundbreaking ideas, but it turns out they’re not all great.

The worst one; Shovelshoes. Shoes with shovels attached in the front. For shuffling snow away whilst walking down a snowy sidewalk.

Yeah. So. Bad.

If you’ve ever played Frogman on a random beach, you can relate to how impractical 2 feet of Shovelshoe would be. You’d be forced to walk backwards, and if you walk backwards, you might as well use ordinary shoes and face forwards.

Fashionista? Or Jackass?

Headers and General Karma

2009-02-21T11:12:00.000-08:00

I’ve put up a new header. It’s got a cheesy cowboy kind of feel to it, but I think it’s better than the boring old one. New header = Average thing taken care of = Yay! So whilst I think of a better design - this one will have to do.

I can’t decide whether to go for a header that features money or gold. What a dilemma!

As for the karma part; my blood will now be put to use at various hospitals. It’s great blood, so I hope they don’t let any of it go to waste. I’ll be sure to tell the Bloodtakers that when I see them.
A Bloodtakerlady called me up yesterday and asked me mysterious and interesting questions.
Have you or your partner lived abroad for more than six months?
No.
Do you have a serious illness, or have you ever had one?
No.
Do you weigh more than 100 pounds?
Yes.
What is your phone number?
You just called me, silly Bloodtakerlady.
Oh, so this is the number you can be reached at?
Ehm… yeah.
Are there any other numbers I can reach you on?
Ehm… well… yes… but this is the phone I always carry with me, soo…

This Bloodgiving-thing is my latest give-back-to-community-in-order-to-harvest-positive-karma- project. First of all, I think all of us healthy, young, over 100 pounds human-beings should give some of our blood away. Most of us have some to spare, and you never know if you or someone you love might need it back. Secondly, there’s the whole give in order to receive scenario.

As for now I’m not suffering from blood loss. I’m going to the Bloodplace in a couple of weeks to talk to a Bloodperson face to face, and also to test the quality of my blood. I hope it’s not the Lady who called me who’s doing the testing - I doubt she’ll understand the true value of the blood standing before her.

Old News Die Hard

2009-02-19T10:41:00.000-08:00

I felt it was time for some millionspiration… *please pause to let the merging of two unmergeable words sink in*…, so I’ve been looking for something really great to share with you.

Speaking of Slumdog Millionaire (they’re aaall talking about Slumdog Millionaire.) - the first person to answer all of his questions correct on ”Who Wants to be A Millionaire” in the US was John Carpenter. That event occured on November 19, 1999.

Even though this is really old news, and you’ve all probably seen it before - it’s worth a second look! The way he dealt with this final question is absolutely priceless;

Who wants to be a Drama Queen? ... or King?

2009-02-18T09:23:00.000-08:00

That could be the title of a new reality TV show. Thankfully it’s not. Instead it’s a letter which one of the characters in The Book sends to everyone (and I do mean every single person, from the plantduster (their plants need dusting because they're made of plastic) to the Board of Directors) at his firm. 10 seconds later he takes the Walk of Shame out of the office, and, as many drama queens/kings would say; he never looks back.

Consider this an open letter to all shitty managers - which you may use freely should you one day decide to quit your job in a rather dramatic fashion:

Dear Friends, Colleagues, Management,

I am sure you have all heard from Boss Lady by now that I am officially a pain in this institutions’ ass. This title gives me much honor, as before I have been known in close-knit managerial circles as an unofficial pain in this institutions’ ass.

As we all know from various fan clubs and websites - unofficial is not the title one strives for in this life, as it is mostly crap.

Personally, I strive for a lot of things. I am looking for happiness, harmony, general success and chocolate multiplied. The time I have spent working for and with you has provided me with much sense that these things cannot be found here. Events that took place yesterday were just the icing on an already sour cake.

With every fiber of my being I stand for honesty. I respect those who respect another man’s opinion, even though it might differ from ones own.

It is my understanding that Boss Lady has told lies about what happened yesterday, and these lies therefore affect me on a personal level. I will not, and I can not, sit by quietly and let evil tongues disrupt my loyalty towards speaking the truth when truth must be spoken.

And truth must always be spoken.

What made Boss Lady run out of the room in tears yesterday morning were words I said. Words I do not wish to apologize for, words I stand by and words that explained the truth; Boss Lady is a terrible leader. A leader who does not wish for the best of her team. She only seeks results that put her in a good light. Results that are good because of our, the Teams, hard work and long hours.

This workplace is a bad movie. A bad movie which I will not watch until the end, but perhaps fall asleep from halfway through, or get up and leave should I be watching it in a movie theater. This job is not worth my time, my energy or the best years of my life. Nor is it worth my excellent work ethic, great people skills or leadership qualities.

I have now packed my bag with office supplies I feel might be useful to me in the near future. I have also cleaned my desk and I am ready to leave this sinking ship. For those of you who remain, I wish you all the best of luck. May clarity and enlightenment shine upon you as it has upon me.

Leave before it’s too late - I already have.

Best wishes for the future,

Your friend,

The Project Manager

Characters - not so crazy anymore

2009-02-16T06:01:00.000-08:00

Just two unemployed losers about to take part in some crazy… stuff. Now I’m worried that I sit too much, and that I might go blind from all this reading and writing. I believe the cure is a) a drink or b) fresh air. Or c) open up a window, walk around the apartment for about 10 seconds, and get back to it.

I choose c).

I’m serious about this million dollar project. I won’t let sore eyes and an aching butt stop me. No, sir.
Should I be working?
Yes, Sir.
Am I?
Mmmhm.
In my ordinary 9 - 5 job?
Mmm… no.
Should I perhaps have been there?
Yeaaah…
But I’m not?
Noooo…
Because it’s snowing outside?
Yez.
You’re scared of a little snow?
Mmmhm, and also, I might have a fever.
A fever? Really?
Yes, Conscience, that’s right - a fever.

So I’m sick. And my buttocks hurt. But, you know what they say; when you’re butt is tired of you sitting on it - lay down! (OK, so I’m the one saying this, not “they”. It’s true though.)

2291

2009-02-13T10:27:00.000-08:00

2291 - the number of words written in my book-to-be. So far the words have pretty much written themselves, but now I don’t know where to go with the story. I thought I did, but these guys I’m writing about are just too crazy. Crazy as in got issues and should be hospitalized. What’s even more scary; they are actually a product of my imagination. I made them and now I’m scared of them.

To give you a clue as to how terribly wrong things have gone on the writing front today, I present you with a line from a dialogue between Character 1 and Character 2;
“Dude, I don’t know what you think this is – but if you Google it I swear to God the only result you’re gonna get is a picture of a small man with a tiny little dick.”

Oh, and how about this part of the story:
“Its weird how possessive one gets over something as cheap (if you get the really cheap kind with the rough, out-in-the-woods sandpapery feel to it) and ordinary as toilet paper when squeezed into a corner.”

I’m not insane. Promise.

The Book

2009-02-11T07:18:00.000-08:00

In a previous post I mentioned writing (and finishing) a book. I’m going to start this project within the project today. All I know for sure at this moment in time is that it can’t be a serious book. It has to be about real people who don’t want to kill each other, impregnate one another or kill themselves. The only suicide I envision writing about is social suicide.

Right now I’m thinking that the main character is a man. In his mid-twenties, anti-hero, not socially inept, but he’s definitely struggling with his mediocre lifestyle. First page – he’s mentally challenged by his squealing alarm clock. Naked and hyperventilating - resisting awakening in a desperate kind of foetal position. I picture him going through a quarterlife crisis. Crisis meets depression meets young man - and turns ugly.

Not really sure about his name. Sean? That’s a good name, but maybe too fancy. A little too Puff Daddy/P. Diddy. I need less Diddy, and more Daddy. Stephen, perhaps? Frank Allen Taylor? A slightly freakier middle name would be good. Frank Diedrich Indiana Taylor? Or just Indiana, because his mother, the former hippie, used to have a crush on Harrison Ford? I don’t have kids, but this namethingy-thing is hard. I don’t understand how they decide or come to an agreement, these parents. And I’m only trying to name a character here. On my own. Jeez.

10 Easy Steps to Big Money

2009-02-09T10:11:00.000-08:00

10 Easy Steps - a result of boredom, the list that is, but at least it was made with love and thoughtful consideration:

1. Be born with a silver spoon in your mouth.
For me this is too late, as I am already born. Even though we weren't rich, we did have silver spoons around the house at the time, 24.5 years ago. But, I don’t think any of the older members of my family remembered to take one of the spoons with them to the hospital. Had they remembered, they could’ve stuck it in my mouth just as I was popping out. But no. No silver spoons were present at my birth.

2. Be a Wunderkind.
This is also, sadly enough, too late for me. I might have been a Wunderkind, but it’s too late to go back and convince people of this now. I could however find myself, my true calling, and go back and convince people that I always had an exceptional talent for…well… let’s say… playing the organ. Or something like that. Piano, perhaps. Or the violin.

3. Commit the perfect scam.
Well suited for criminals in the making. When I was a kid we once attempted to host Casino Night behind a ware house. Casino Night lasted for about five minutes – this was the approximate time it took for the police to show up. Like all children facing jail-time, we ran. And, I decided that I would never attempt being a criminal. To much fuzz for me, with the running away and the trouble at home and all. However, it is an easy way of making a quick buck or two – scamming people. Not good for you, your family, your reputation or your future, of course, but possible.

4. Invent something irresistible.
Sometimes I wonder if our superold, i.e. around 1649 A.D., ancestors also believed that everything was already thought of, like we sometimes do. The super old ancestors might have said something along the lines of; “Oooooo, we can’t possibly invent anything else, I just don’t see what we might need, the future is here etc.”. With their fancy booklearnin’, arts and craft, wheels, horsepower etc – who could blame them. They must have felt invincible - just like we do. I’m sure that in 2449 AD our spawns will mock us in the same way. How sad, really. We should punish them ahead of their time by inventing all things inventible.

5. Marry rich.
Yeah, that’s right – marry someone who’s got it all together, and no pre-nuptial! Of course, the idea that you’re spouse is going to be a) young, b) hot, c) straight, or d) an amazing and romantic kisser (unless you like it sloppy and toothless. I won’t judge.), is quite a long shot. You, however, must possess all these qualities. It sounds sickening, and pushing that wheel chair around must be hard work. But, if you can handle the constant depression then maybe this is something for you. It ain’t for me. Amen.

6. Design ugly footwear.
Crocs. Needn’t say more.

7. Be a charity.
Not technically a scam if you change your family’s name to Children. You could ask people for money everywhere you go, just bring a hat or cup, and maybe wear a poster on your back or a t-shirt with a fancy-pantsy slogan on it; “Save the Children!”, “Feed the Children!”, “Buy Children a new car!” etc. OK, so it is a scam.

8. Beg.
This might be too time-consuming if you’re just hanging around on street corners, but it could potentially be a source of income if you know people like Oprah Winfrey or Bill Gates. Of course, they might not give you a dime, but with continued effort they’d eventually be sick and tired of your begging, and give you a tiny little fee just to shut you up. A tiny little fee for billionaires is hopefully more than a couple of dollars or a cookie. Personally, I’d give you a cookie. In fact, I’d even give myself a cookie for resorting to begging. New rule: When pride is lost – have a cookie!

9. One-hit-wonder.
“Miya-hee, Miya-hoo, Miya-ho, Miya-haha” – ring any bells? How about this one: ”Ding ding , Br-Br-Break It, dum dum dumda dum dum dum dum dumda dum dum dum dum dum dumda dum dum, Brem daem”? No? Two amazing one-hit-wonders - O-Zone and Crazy Frog. Too easy! Who wants to start a “band”? No skill required, really. One could always pull a Simon Cowell, and just hire the artist and get your hands on half of their income (or however much is in the contract they’ve signed). Just wrote two songs myself: “The Ding-dong-song” and “Biip. Biip. Biip. (Firealarm Countdown Mania)”. Now all I need is a cartoon character that isn’t a frog, and we’re in business. The business of annoying the living daylight out of all things alive with ears, that is. Still a business.

10. Write a blog.
And hope that whilst writing that blog something or someone will come to you baring brilliant thoughts, ideas and a lovely bouquet of flowers. That way you will have a blog, good ideas and pretty flowers to look at. All at once.

Friday Night Life

2009-02-06T09:44:00.000-08:00

It’s Friday once again! I never thought this day would come. Not on Monday anyway. Never on Mondays, especially not before 10am. Yet here it is, and soon we shall all celebrate the glorious arrival of the weekend.

Even though my bank account is screaming “Feed me!”, the washing machine has been expecting my laundry for at least three days, and the dust bunnies are considering making more babies behind the sofa - I’m going out tonight! I’m going out so much that there isn’t anything that could stop me. Except maybe a natural disaster. But even natural disasters must realize that Friday nights are off limits.

It’s not all about fun and games tonight though. Well, it is, but I do plan on talking to some Real Life Entrepreneurs. They’re my new kind of people, the entrepreneurs, I plan on adopting one very soon. Also, I plan to ask my friends if they can lend me a million dollars tonight. So it might be a good night for business. Or it might not. I’m thinking not, but I do look forward to hearing their opinions on some ideas I have. Maybe I'll even get some new ones!

Taglines…

2009-02-04T04:02:00.000-08:00

… are harder to come up with than expected! Coming up with them not too much of a struggle I suppose, but having to stand behind them is a completely different thing. Some of the taglines I’ve come up with today have made me blush – they’re actually that pompous.

I need a tagline for my current business venture, which for now is slightly non-existing, but ideally consists of me writing whatever comes my writing way. I figured I should start somewhere instead of just talking about it, and elance.com came up as an option. As it turns out, a tagline is required when you register at their site. So here I am. Trying to think of something brilliant, persuasive, non-threatening, truthful, confident and yet not insulting, to say in one sentence. Also, the tagline should say what I have to offer, like… “I can write, you can’t – hire me”, except not that. Mostly because it’s sad and wrong. In every kind of way.

“One word ahead” – that’s OK, but who am I supposed to be ahead of? The person who wants to hire me? I feel that tagline is an insult waiting to happen. Also, there’s something wrong with “The words that matter”, or “When words matter”. “To you”. “When words matter to you”.

I’m puzzled.

Business – me, my very own?

2009-02-02T04:08:00.000-08:00

Oh dear mother of all things pretty! I think I’m starting a company, and I’m actually having a stroke at this moment in time. Of course, I knew it would happen eventually. I knew that it would have to be soon. But still – it’s a huge step!

At least it’s a step that has the potential of being huge. It’s a good idea. OK, so it’s more of an idea rather than a step. Hmm…what just happened there? I think I went from having a stroke to being in denial. I hear that’s common amongst fresh entrepreneurs. On the more serious note – I really don’t have a choice about it, do I? There is no way I can make millions without being a company. Living and breathing my own company, with all the rules and regulations that follow. At least since I’m not a criminal. Nor do I want to become a criminal [official disclaimer].

So far today I’ve ordered a starting-kit for new entrepreneurs. Also, I’ve been reading about taxes. Tax registration, tax laws, and how one can avoid them (my favourite thus far). Still to come is seeking advice from those who once were where I am today (stroke, denial, angst.), talking to my family about this venture, and also have a one-on-one with my boss. If my employer says OK, my mother says OK, and Other Random Entrepreneurs say OK – what kind of excuse will I have to fall back on? None.

Having no excuses doesn’t feel like a bad thing. I mean, if I’m going to write for a living I don’t see how many big investments I can make that might jeopardize my economy and future. It would be a different scenario if I had to buy a plane, I guess, or a cow. Or even a car or a house. The risk involved isn’t too great as per now. So far my business plan comes down to me and the hours and effort I put in. I don’t need investors to jump-start my brain. Although, I’m sure it would be very helpful.

Now I’m back to having a stroke, and it’s OK. It’s my journey, and I must embrace it.

Believe in the Power of Google

2009-01-30T05:44:00.000-08:00

Google has been my friend today, as He always is. There are 72.1 million hits for the search term “make money online”, and I must say there are some easy and laidback ways to earn a buck or two. Apparently, all you need is some goodwill, an internet connection and a laptop.

Here are a few of my findings today;

Ebay – no further introduction needed! Although I find it wildly interesting that there’s an online garage sale with the world as potential buyers, I don’t actually have anything to sell. In fact, I don’t even have a garage or storage room. Not even a tiny little shed.

Elance.com – you have a skill, someone needs your skill for a job, you bid on job. You get job, you do the job, you get paid – business as usual. A site that allows you to use your skill set, and get paid, could potentially be a great steppingstone. You have to take a test before you’re allowed in as an Expert – I’ll try this first thing tomorrow.

Affiliate Marketing – you’re basically setting up someone else’s shop on your website. The money-making occurs when a buyer use the link on your site to buy a product. There’s a website about this, affiliatetips.com. Will read up on this!

So much to do – so little time! At least today – Friday night is rapidly approaching. OK, ‘rapidly’ might be pushing it, but you know what I mean ;-) I've got some serious catching up to do tomorrow. Until then… have a great Friday night!

Brainstorming - an artform

2009-01-28T09:03:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking about a game plan the last couple of days. Not a specific one, but in general. What does one do that generates a lot of money? The most obvious I can think of is sales. You have something that someone wants, and you sell it to them for more than you initially paid for it. Logical, and presumably easy. Or is it?

In order to close a deal, or several deals, on a specific item or idea, there has to actually be an item or an innovative idea. I’ve been trying to brainstorm the last few hours on what might be innovative and very much needed, and the best thing so far has been… well… a camel toe hider. I saw a lady with tights on the bus this morning, and I’m sure our morning had been a lot better if she had a Camel Toe Hider. I shall call it LadyPart. It’s bound to be one of Oprahs Favourite Things. Not that she has a ladypartproblem, but I’m sure she could round up a guest or two who’d appreciate it. Aslo, I’m sure that selling something you really believe in, and maybe thought of yourself, is much more rewarding than selling random stuff. I truly believe in The LadyPart. Of course, the only reason I’m sharing this wonderful idea, is because it’s been done. It’s already out there. So, back to the drawing board! In fact, I’m going to start writing down all my ideas now, good or bad, just in case.

Books. I love writing, and I’m sure it’s something I could be great at. Another appealing aspect of this is working from home, or from a beach somewhere. It certainly would make life less average, at least less average than working 7,5 hours per day, at a fixed time. And it’s not the hours I’m concerned about, it’s the fixed time. Or flexible, as they like to call it. Still fixed though, doesn’t matter how many hours you’ve got to spare – you’re still expected to be attending work every single day. The core time at my office is from 9am to 3pm. Flexible working hours? Only if you write a book! Or a script. The movie industry might be a field of interest. They’ve certainly got millions floating around – just waiting to be spent. By me.

Rockstar. Who doesn’t want to be a rockstar?

Comedy. I could be funny. Kind of scary though, must admit… those brown, smoked-in pubs, and not getting any laughter, not even from the alcoholic in the back? What a nightmare that would be! Maybe if I combined comedy with the book idea – a funny book. About a rockstar. That might sell. Or it might not. Maybe that’s more a movie script? And of course, it’s been done. Oh well. I could write a funny book about making money writing a funny book. Yeah!

The first day in the rest of my [rich] life

2009-01-26T01:02:00.000-08:00

I’m not poor. But I’m not rich either. I’d say I’m average. And for the record, I don’t like average. Average = boring = no fun. However, rich = yay! = good times! That’s my official theory.

So how does one test a theory? I’m sure there are a number of ways. If my project involved a new kind of drug and it’s affects on humans, I would not choose to donate my body for the experiment. In that scenario I would’ve done a couple of interviews. Maybe put together a focus group, bring a camera, and take some pictures. In this case, however, my only goal is to become rich. And for that purpose I gladly give you my body, soul and throw in some towels as well. One must never say no to a good towel!

The 1.000.000 Project is a new project. Not new as in no one has thought of the idea before, because they have, who are we kidding, come on, but new in my life. Of course, it’s all I’ve been talking about for the last year or so, that my goal is to be rich. The idea came about when I was having a beer (... always a good time for brainstorming – whilst being drunk. Later that night we sang Bohemian Rhapsody. Really loud.) with a colleague of mine, and she insisted that if anyone could make one million in six years, it would be me. So, I took her words for it and ran with the idea. Now I have five years left. I’ll be 30 in five and a half years, so let’s make it that.

I’ll use this blog to post my thoughts and results during the progress. If you have anything you would like to share or ask me about, please feel free to send me an e-mail; 1000000project@gmail.com.

To sum up the project: Make 1 million (currency yet to be determined, I hear Zimbabwe sells their bread for 10 million Zimbabwean dollars these days) before I’m 30 years old, which is in June 2014. I’m not going to burst out in sad & lonely tears if I meet my goal before then, but let’s be slightly realistic. Hm. On the other hand, let’s not be realistic and all and make it “as soon as possible”.

To sum up the project, for real this time:
- Make USD 1.000.000 ASAP.

On that note, I hereby declare The 1.000.000 Project for open!